It's Over?

Monday marked one year since Dad left us. In a weird way it was ... anticlimactic? I don't know if that's the word to describe it... It's as if I expected some big "thing" to happen. A feeling of relief and accomplishement... or something... a "Whew! Glad that's over!!" kind of ...thing?  I can't put it into words (surprise surprise). Instead of feeling as though I've "gotten through" that first year, it feels as if the pain has worsened, and I'm facing this next year which is going to be much worse than the first. Perhaps it wasn't as bad as it is now because I was in a daze last year during the holidays. I was putting up the tree this week and wondering how I even did it last year. I can't remember putting up the tree last year... at all.  I had not lived, at that point, an entire year without the salt and color Dad brought to every holiday and birthday... and weekend... to our every day lives.

On Monday morning, I woke up at 5:30, on my own, no alarm. 5:30 a.m  was the time I awoke the morning Dad died. I thanked the Lord for waking me up then, as if to say "Time to remember Andrea. It's here."  

All throughout the night before, I remembered his last evening. I so very much cherish that time I had with Dad. I had the privilege of being with him for his last evening here on Earth. Just the two of us.We talked a lot. Thank you God!! I remember everything he said. He was cracking jokes as usual, and had some sobering words for me as well. He fell asleep after a few hours, and I prayed that the Lord would wake me every ten minutes so I could press the button for his boost of pain medication. God granted me my request. For four hours, He woke me, every ten minutes on the dot. I'm still so grateful to Him for that. At 5:30 Jimmy came in and that's pretty much when the wheels fell off, and those horrific last hours began.

After putting on a pot of coffee Monday morning, I looked outside to see the white snow covering everything. Immediately I thought of how last year Sam told me that God had allowed all of that snow to come, and keep coming, to make me know that Pappy's sins were washed as white as snow.  I struggled then, as I have struggled periodically throughout this past year, with resting in the knowledge that Dad is really in Heaven. When I saw the snow this past Monday, and recalled Sam's words, the Lord spoke to my heart in such a way that it was almost audible, "I've told you a hundred different ways that he's with Me. He's with Me." It was a soft word, not one of rebuke. I began sobbing and He kept repeating it, "He's with Me. He's with Me." Until a peace came upon me. Now this peace has come upon me throughout this past year, and I've even blogged about a few of those times, yet, I end up in doubt when fear grips me. The thought of any other ending is literally unbearable. I doubt because I begin thinking just that: "You're seeing things so that you can comfort yourself."

This time, however, God also showed me that short of appearing before me, in the flesh, and speaking it to my face, with Dad standing next to Him, He could not assure me any more than He already has. In fact, I had to laugh because I think it was God who also gave me the thought that if the afore mentioned scene actually did happen, I would most likely come to the conclusion that I had lost my ever lovin' mind!

Doubt: Satan causes doubt. It's interesting because I Googled a Bible passage on doubt, and a Satanic website came up.. praising Satan because he's a doubter. Doubt, in the Satanist's mind is good, because it keeps you questioning and thinking. "Thinking People" doubt. Hmmm. This is what Jesus says about it: "For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord." I refuse to further let Satan toss me about, particularly when it comes to the knowledge of my Father's eternal salvation.

Fear: Again, from Satan. God, however, says, "Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.We love because he first loved us... God is Love."

I will continue to ache for the presence of my father, but I will remember, without out doubt and fear...

 "He's with Me. He's with Me. He's with Me..."

Happy Birthday Mom

Girl Fishing, John Singer Sargent
One of Mom's favorite artists

Mom is going to kill me for doing this, but I have to remember her birthday via my blog. I am forever at a loss when it comes to honoring, gifting... showing my gratitude toward my mother. There's no possible way I can do it, as this earthy body and brain are just not capable of it. I bought her a Christian music CD... another "fail". Even if it was a great one, would it have really shown her how I feel about her life? Not even close. At any rate, it's Mom's birthday today. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of Dad's death. I don't believe she'll be able to enjoy today at all... or even a bit, but I'm going to try.

I wrote a poem for her several years back, for Mother's Day. I won't publish that poem, as it was written for her, and she may not want me to do that (writing this post is going to be pushing it). I have to say that this poem truly happened, not physically, but very much spiritually. Basically I was in prayer, asking the Lord what I should do with my life. I had, and continue to have, a heart for foreign missions... but I wanted to know what "career" I should choose. Now. I guess the poem really does say it better, but the Lord began to show me my mother. He showed me how she had impacted so many lives... quietly, humbly. He showed me that, becoming a doctor, a lawyer... a famous artist, would not hold a candle to becoming a Godly woman like my Mom, the stay-at-home, wife and mother.

I thought of Proverbs 31 (and not the portion that talks about giving strong drink to the sick of heart =)) and how my Mom fit that mold so beautifully. At any rate, I have not become this woman, at least not as of now. My children will not rise up and call me blessed. Rather, given the chance, they most likely would rise up and call me nuts. Yes, I do get up while it's still night, but usually because of a hot flash, not to prepare food for my family. I do not consider a field for purchasing and planting crops. I do, however, consider a dress from Etsy.com, and purchase it for Christmas... for me. In short, I have not become my Mom yet. I do hope to at least come close before I leave this planet.

Happy birthday Mom.

The Wife of Noble Character (Proverbs 31:10-31)

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Excuses, Birthdays and a Bird.

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.

Nicolas de Chamfort

Well, I'm in a pickle Francis. I have tried to keep the blog positive... I believe I can still do that, however, I'm just not what one would call "chipper"... even after my "hernia surgery." I want to blog, but I've had a rough month and I want to compla... err, talk about it. What to do?

Did I ever tell you how, when trying to think of names for the twins, Adam piped in with "What about Morbid and Morose?" Everyone laughed hard and long... too hard, and too long. At any rate, I have to keep it real, right? So my excuse for not blogging is, in short, I've been miserable, and haven't.  How's that?

In the mean time, I will continue to count my blessings. I will try and pry my eyes off of my navel to get me out of my funk. While I'm doing that, here are some of my blessings. Our amazing Sam has turned 10 yrs old. Double digits. Today, our sweet niece Reagan turned 11. Celebrated both birthdays here on Saturday (Sam's actual b-day).


Yes I made the cake, but it tasted like it looks like it would taste... yucky.

Finally, I love my bird. Some people (eh hem) may not feel as I do, but she makes me very, very, very... not miserable. She has taken to Santino and here are some adorable pics of Stella hanging out with Santino.

*I seem to have misplaced the video camera. When I find it, I'll share some new stuff.

Typical Tuesdays

I'm cutting it down to the wire here with getting this done on time. None-the-less, I'm getting it done.

I do not have video or pictures from today, however, I do have some of both to share. The photos, my sister Mary, took when we had our Tribute to the Revolution. Love the fall pics!

The quotes are from today.

Today, in our human body study, we learned (among other really gross things) about the sebaceous glands... so many places this could have gone with 3 boys who are able to talk. To top it off, we had an illustration of  a blackhead (eww!). The boys do NOT want blackheads! I explained that they would not be in "danger" of getting a blackhead yet, as their pores are still very small. I then went on to tell them that their pores would get bigger as they got older. Paolo exclaims "But Mom!! By the time you're an old man, you'll be nothing but a hole!!"

I will not tell you the entire story, as the whole thing is embarrassing enough, but today my Johnny was extremely passionate when talking to someone. His tone was not nice at all, and (I still can't believe this) he used air quotations!! He's 8 (EIGHT!). I corrected him, and thank goodness, he apologized immediately to the person, but I about died! Later, Adam (who was quite baffled as to where Johnny had seen air quotations) went into the other room where Johnny was and asked him where he had learned the nasty gesture. "Johnny, who did you see using air quotes?"  "Mom."... oooooops.

I asked Samuel to clean the tables and chairs for me today. Bless his heart, he works so hard, and does a fantastic job, but he distracts himself by talking (and he does not clean and talk at the same time), so it takes him forever. This is how part of the hour went:

"Mom, look how clean I'm getting this chair."
"Wow Sam! That looks great!"
"Yeah, 'cause you know how much I like kickin' cleanings' butt. Right Mom?"
"Yes, I know, and you're really kickin' butt Sam."
"Yeah, like I'm kickin' it all the way to the sky! Like so high I could send a rocket to get it. You know Mom, when I grow up, I'm gonna build a rocket and I'm gonna..."
"Sam."
"Okay, Mom. Sorry, you know how much I like rockets though. I like them like I like robots. You know how much I like rob..."
"Sam."
And so it goes. =) He did kick that cleanings' butt though!!

Teodata has taken to asking "Why?" when we tell her "No!"... she's 18 months old. I am so in trouble. Today she (again) took the outlet protector out of the outlet, and took off with it. I ran after her, scolding her as I was coming toward her. When I got to her, she quickly and dramatically turned her head away from me while simultaneously thrusting her hand toward me... handing the cover back. When I took it out of her hand, she (just a dramatically) placed both hands over her face and "fell" face first onto the couch. Again, she's 18 months old...

Sanitno and Stella get along really well. I would have to think that it's because every time I turn around, Santino is feeding her. He grunts and screams most of the day, but with Stella, he talks. "Cheese, Wellwa" "Cacker Wellwa". Very cute.

 This video was actually taken a day before Stella arrived.

What happened to Tuesday? Wednesday

" And you're really clumsy. That's why you fell over..."

Well, I broke my Typical Tuesday posting streak... but at least I didn't break my sternum. Huh? I (Andrea, A.K.A. "Agile Andrea") tripped over the baby gate yesterday, then proceeded to land on it, chest first. I spent a couple of hours at Med Express to find out that my sternum, and my ribs are only bruised... as Mom kept telling me was the case... hate it when that happens. I then came home and watched the election returns. Election night is a prefect Date Night for Adam and I. We could have been offered a free evening at the finest restaurant in the city, and if they didn't have a T.V. there, we would've declined...  boring geeks, yes indeed, but obviously made for one another... And so, I broke my streak.

Here are a couple of scenes from this week.  I shall call them Ode to Noise:

 Thank you Lord for giving me this every day, all day... even when I'm ready to stick a fork in my eye from the noise... I thank You.

 

I will enter His gates with

thanksgiving in my heart

I will enter His courts with praise

I will say this is the day that the

Lord has made

I will rejoice for He has made me glad

Typical Tuesdays

I wish I would have had the following story from today to show you on video. The twins really love Stella, Stella is completely freaked out by them (as are most living things within ear shot of their screams). This morning I let Santino give Stella one of her little seed-ball treats, thinking that it may warm Stella up to him. He was asking to do it again this afternoon, but this time Teodata wanted in on it. I gave them each a seed ball treat to give her. I worked with Santino to get it to Stella through the cage, and when I turned around to give 'Data her turn, her seed ball was gone. Yes, about 5 minutes later, I noticed her trying to work the last of the residual seed down her throat. Hope it helps with  her B.M. tomorow... TMI?

I had a video of today, for today, and it was great stuff.. things like Santino standing on the bench leaning back to drink his sippy cup... you know, just about to fall backward and I'm still holding the camera as if unaware of any potential hospital trips looming... good stuff. My video, unfortunately ended with one of my boys picking his nose. Rather than immortalize him online, picking his nose, which would most likely devastate him, I'm going to show him the video in hopes that it'll make him stop. I doubt that very much, but it's worth a shot.

Do you see a man skilled in his work?

He will stand before kings;

He will not stand before obscure men.

I went through some older video and found this great one of Sam. He's an unbelievable inventor. He can make anything out of nothing. The Lord has certainly gifted him in so many ways. My sweet Sam.



It's Love and a Revolution...

 God made the beasts of the earth after their kind, and the cattle after their kind, and everything that creeps on the ground after its kind; and God saw that it was good.

The past several days have been wonderful! On Thursday the boys and I went to Butler's Bird Breeders to pick up Stella! The breeders (Bruce and Bonnie Butler) work out of their home, so they are able to breed exotic birds as well. Some of you know about Paolo's intense fear of dogs (one bad experience with a hyper puppy)... even if the dog is wee, wee, little, he SCREAMS and bounces onto Adam or I, clinging for dear life. The Butler's have two wiener dogs... that greeted us. Hmmm. Right, so Paolo is screaming and wrapped around me, and one of their macaws screeches. Have you ever heard a macaw screech? It's something akin to nails on a chalkboard, on steroids. At any rate, we finally got Paolo calmed down (and said dogs outside), had a wonderful little visit with Bruce and Bonnie (great people!), and then we brought our Stella home. I am in LOVE with this bird! She loves me too. =) All the kids love her, and she's quite happy with them as well...with all of them accept the twins, that is. They run up to her cage, "pawing" at it, yelling  "STELLWA!! STELLWA!!!" (see video below), like really bad Marlon Brando impersonators. Anyway, you will be seeing much more of Stella. By the way, I have no idea how Stella feels about Adam, as he will not hold her at all... he admires her from afar.

So, I didn't realize what a pain in rear I was being by taking the picture, but oh my! Bruce's face says it all "Are serious LADY??"  Then there's the boys..

Thought these were so cute, baby African Greys

My niece and nephew... Stella loves her

 Stella giving Sam kisses

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A joyful heart is good medicine,

But a broken spirit dries up the bones. 

On Saturday we had our "Tribute to the Revolution" tea. To wrap up our unit study, the boys planned a traditional colonial high tea. All the foods were traditional colonial foods (even had George Washington's favorite dessert, Tipsy Pudding) ... save for Aunt Mary's meatball sandwiches to satisfy us Italians. The boys displayed all of the work they did, and were so happy to do so. They worked so hard on this study.

I could say that it was "Just family", and while that is true (save for Jackie's friend) it sounds too ... smallish. There were 23 people there. =)   We had such a nice time. Adam said that this was the first time, in a long time, that he actually had fun at a party.  I felt the same way. This was the first time without Dad here, that I had pure fun. I think Adam was thinking the same thing, but kept it to himslef. I did think of Dad a lot that day, but for the first time, it was bitter sweet, not just bitter. I could actually feel him smiling at his legacy... all over the place. So beautiful, so happy. The yard looked breathtaking. We were all in church this morning (Jimmy, Jill and family were able to attend before heading back home). We had the back row because... well, we're a really distracting family. There was Mom in her little corner of the pew, and next to her sat Jimmy, Jill and family. Behind them, Mary, Aaron, and family, then all if us... we took up 3 rows... I don't know, I hate the word surreal, but that's the only word to describe it... well, beautiful surreal. Two words. Dad was there, through his legacy, he was there. I wish my brain was larger, along with my vocabulary, but that's about all I can get out to describe it.  Thankful, so thankful for that time with family.

This is how Santino felt this morning...

***************************

Won't Let Satan Blow it out (NO!) I'm gonna Let it Shine...

I had planned on doing the Pumpkin Gospel for all the kiddos Saturday night whilst my brother went out to dinner and a movie , and whatever to let them celebrate my big brother's birthday (which is today). Well, I always think that my brother and I share very few of the same genes, but yesterday I found out that we share the fact that we really hate going out. =) He decided that they would go get some shopping done (yep, like me!), instead.


So Jackie and her friend Evan are indulging me (poor Evan actually stuck around late for this). They're sitting at the table acting interested so the kids will follow suit... wanting to be like the cool teenagers. I painted a freaky cartoon smiley face on the pumpkin. I talked about how some people have smiles on their faces and when bad things come along, the smile is easily washed off (I take a soapy rag and wash the freaky face off). This is making my mathematical, engineering minded niece nuts, because she's never seen the Pumpkin Gospel presented this way... plus the painted face was really creepy... and the kids were getting wigged out. Right. I then cut the top off of the pumpkin and began cleaning the "yucky" stuff out, "just like God cleans the yucky stuff out of us."

There is SO much "yucky stuff"... the kids' eyes are glazing over. I make another analogy, not typically used in the Pumpkin Gospel, I talk about how God can, and does, use our sinful past for good, just like we can eat, or plant the pumpkin seeds, or make pie out of the yuck. I hear a small voice coming from the living room, it was Mom. "Bad, analogy Ann."  At this point all the kids are screaming and swinging from the chandeliers (slight exaggeration), because they're bored out of their ever loving minds... Jackie is teasing the mess out of me (seriously though, there was SO much PUMPKIN GUTS!!) , and Mom and I are having theological arguments... sort of (I won, I tell you!)

I'm certain Evan was regretting having stayed for this. I'm carving the pumpkin (It's like a half of an hour later at this point) and the pumpkin is looking more and more evil... I can't for the life of me, get this thing to look happy. I mean the idea is that God cleans you out, puts a smile on your face, and lights you from within. How can I use "Demon Pumpkin" to illustrate that? The simple answer is, "You can't Andrea". So I told the poor children the rest of "what should have been"... don't think it worked. I think Jackie and Evan were wondering how on earth I was able to screw it up that bad... their faces showed it. Kudos to my sweet niece, and Evan for standing by me throughout that mess.

Here it is... How could I manage to do this?!?

Typical Tuesdays

Today...

The boys were working on some school stuff in the dining room whilst I was in the kitchen messing around with who knows what, and Paolo says (completely out of the blue) "You know what I really, really, really hate? choking hazards!" Okay son??

I'm finishing talking to the boys about some school related subject and I notice Johnny day-dreaming... smiling away. "Johnny, what are you thinking about?" Snaps out of it, and quick as a whip ( in a bright cheery voice) he says "Oh, writing practice Mom." Mmm-hmmm

"Sam. Honey. You have to stop talking... just for a few minutes."

"But I can't stop talking, I love talking too much. I can't stop. You know why I like talking so much...." ('Too Much" as in that's how much he loves talking. He does. He does.


Scenes from today. And WE PICK UP STELLA ON THURSDAY!!!

Couple of things

So I didn't know if this video struck me as really funny because I homeschool, or because it's just plain funny. I'm going to go ahead and assume it's the former, but perhaps if you're not a homeschooler, you'll at least get a kick out of it because you've said or thought these things yourself. =)



Secondly, I've promised myself, and a host of others, that I would not make this blog political. I do feel that the following is political, but it is not partisan, and runs so much deeper than politics. It's about parental rights that are being taken away from us by the government, and from right under our noses to boot. If you feel so inclined, please view the following movie trailer here. When and if you view it, there's an opportunity to sign a petition below the trailer. Thanks!

Peace and Blessings,
~Andrea

Typical Tuesdays (with a late birthday post)

Today was indeed typical here at the Phillips household, however, I was so nuts last week that I didn't post anything from Johnny's birthday (which was Thursday the 7th). Below are some scenes from his birthday party. 

Johnny is just so sweet, and can make you feel like a million bucks with one kind gesture or word. I was feeling so sick on Friday (the day of his party). I was dragging myself out the door to get his cake and party "props", and Adam asked me if I wanted him to go instead. Johnny interrupts, grabs my arm and says "Mom, now I'm very serious about this, I would rather walk to get my cake and stuff, or not have it all, than to have you go shopping while you're sick."  I mean what a kid, huh?

At any rate, I did get out, I did shop, but Johnny's medieval birthday dreams were not quite so medieval... however,  he was so happy with everything. Of course. =)

A wise son makes his father glad

Below, is from our Typical Tuesday. Before I took the video, they were really going at one another. They are forever stealing off of the other one. No matter that they each have the same exact thing, they want it because the other one has it, and they don't... It's nature, not nurture, trust me. You can still see the remnants of the 'tude in Teodata when she kicks her bowl at the end.

Birthdays

Today was bittersweet. This is Dad's birthday, and the first one without him. Today is also my niece Jackie's Sweet 16 birthday. Jackie was born on Dad's 50th birthday. She was the first grandchild, so all the way around , it was pretty darn exciting. I remember being in the waiting room whilst my sister Mary was in hard labor with Jackie. It was around 11:30 PM and Dad said "Let's put her in the back of a van and drive her to another time zone." We didn't find out until about a quarter after midnight that Jackie was born about 45 minutes before midnight. She made it. =)

DAD ARGUING POLITICS AT PAOLO'S BIRTHDAY LAST YEAR

(I miss that face, and those hands waving when he talked...er, yelled =) )

"It is my desire to give to this last man the same as to you."

Back when Dad passed away I wrote about how my cousin Eddie, when I was musing over the condition of my Dad's eternal soul, had said "Annie, your Dad's gonna be the worker in the Parable of Laborers in the Vineyard . He's going to be the one who was hired at 5:00 PM." I then wrote about how, after Dad had passed on, Eddie asked me what time it was, and indeed, it was just about 5:00 PM. I still struggle sometimes with where Dad was with the Lord, but He shows me time and time again, that my Dad had to have known Him. Today we did our Children's Through the Bible in a Year devotion. We missed yesterday, so I decided that I should read from October  5th thinking that it would have been for Paolo. As it turned out, it was for all of us. October 5th's devotion was the Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard.

Happy Birthday Dad.  

 Strength and dignity are her clothing,  And she smiles at the future.

 We are celebrating Jackie's birthday on Saturday. This birthday was tough on her, and I think it's good that she was able to change things up a bit this year. Typically, Jackie and Dad would have a birthday dinner together, a tradition they both looked forward to.

This year she went out with friends and celebrated with pizza and ice cream. I cannot begin to explain what a blessing Jackie has, and continues to be, in our family. She amazes me daily with her strength and wisdom... So beautiful, in every way.

Happy Birthday Sweet Jackie!

(NOT A) Typical Tuesday

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

 

Today was not a typical Tuesday. Today was Paolo's 6th birthday!! I still can't believe it, my little Pie Man is 6 years old... Paolo wanted an "Agent Birthday Party." He loves Lego Agents, so an Agent party is what he got.


We spent most of the day building his new Lego Agent Speed Boat Rescue. Lego's are the coolest toys ever... probably the most expensive as well... seriously, we all but have to put a lien on the house for Christmas, when they all want Lego's... another post? Right. So, I also bought the cake this year. Last year I had more energy, but this year we're going with Giant Eagle Cakes. Let me tell you, they could have put a little more "oomph" into the decorating (Paolo wanted the Lego Agent "A" symbol on the cake), but oh, MY, did it taste good!!


So let me preface the video and pics by saying that I feel really bad. Our kids rarely get straight up candy. Today they had a bag full, plus the cake and ice cream. Honestly, Paolo looks like he just did heroin... the poor kid may not even remember the events of today. At least he had fun...




The boys were diggin' the agent thing

 Teodata dug them in their gear

I don't think the sparkler "6" added anything at all good to an already out-of-it Paolo... strike two Mom....

Poor Guy was afraid of his own cake

When the thing finally went out, he blew the candle out before I got a chance to take a picture. Strike three Mom, you're out! You blew Paolo's sixth birthday....

A blurry vision of cake filled babies

I mean, doesn't he look like he was just at a Zeppelin reunion tour?

By the way, this was all typed yesterday (on Tuesday!) but Blogger was giving me trouble posting photos. Finally got it up and running. See you tonight... more birthdays!