Thin & Vindicated (Oh Happy Day)

Today I had a nuclear bone scan. One might wonder how a nuclear bone scan could cause my saying "Oh Happy Day." Let me explain (please note that I'm typing this with a huge smile on my face).

The nuclear bone scan is for some problems I've been dealing with for quite some time now. Going by my history with tests, the scan will not find anything of note for my rheumatoligist, and I'll be left feeling as though I'm nuts... more nuts... still. Again, why so happy?

I was referred to as "thin" 3 times today, by three separate people. WOO-HOO!! This is something I have not heard in several years. "Too Thin" is not a compliment, but one is hard pressed to find a woman who would not feel good about hearing "How do you stay so thin?" Now never mind the fact that my shirt, and scarf, were strategically placed over the fat... whatever, it worked!

Now for the good part. Remember a post of mine from a little over three months ago, where I talked about tripping and falling onto the baby gate? Do you remember how I thought for sure my ribs were broken? Do you further remember how my mother was telling me that I really didn't need to have a chest x-ray, because she "knew" that they were just bruised? I came back from Med Express that night with my tail between my legs, feeling like a wimpy, clumsy, complainer. Not only was Mom right, but I couldn't imagine going through a break, if my ribs were just bruised and they felt that bad.

Well, during the test, the technician said "Have you had some recent trauma to your right chest area?" I said "Yeah, I fell on a baby gate about three months ago and bruised my ribs." She said "Three months ago?? Wow, they weren't bruised, they were broken, and they still are." At this point I tell her the entire story (throwing Mom under the bus), and then she asked me if my sternum was hurt as well. I told her that it hurt really bad, and that I could have sworn I felt it "moving". She proceeded to tell me that "It's pretty much impossible to break your sternum, but it's lit up here, so you must've at least cracked it... You said this was three months ago?" She then went on and on about how bad of a break it must've been, and how she can't imagine what happened to my sternum... I asked her if I could take pictures with my phone.  =)

The icing on the cake was when she brought the images back to the doctor to look at. (While I was waiting, I called Mom to get her apology). The doctor saw the pictures and asked if I was there for trauma! Ha! I am SO not a wimp!! VINDICATION!  I was carrying at least 40 pounds of squirming babies around, cleaning... Leaping tall buildings in a single bound... I made Wonder Woman look like a wimp... okay, I guess I've taken it too far, huh? I've also forgotten, all too soon, that I tripped over and fell... on what I tripped over... Still a pretty good day though. =)

Video taken before Christmas. Poor Santino. I better not be a wimp... 'Data will be a teenager one day. =)

Not Quite

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

~Mark Twain

I know I've been MIA. I also know that Christmas, our 14th wedding anniversary, the welcoming of the New Year, have all come and gone... without so much as a word or picture from me. I just couldn't this year. I'm going to leave it at that and ask if you would join me in pretending that I actually did post, and remembering that God is good. All the time.

It's Over?

Monday marked one year since Dad left us. In a weird way it was ... anticlimactic? I don't know if that's the word to describe it... It's as if I expected some big "thing" to happen. A feeling of relief and accomplishement... or something... a "Whew! Glad that's over!!" kind of ...thing?  I can't put it into words (surprise surprise). Instead of feeling as though I've "gotten through" that first year, it feels as if the pain has worsened, and I'm facing this next year which is going to be much worse than the first. Perhaps it wasn't as bad as it is now because I was in a daze last year during the holidays. I was putting up the tree this week and wondering how I even did it last year. I can't remember putting up the tree last year... at all.  I had not lived, at that point, an entire year without the salt and color Dad brought to every holiday and birthday... and weekend... to our every day lives.

On Monday morning, I woke up at 5:30, on my own, no alarm. 5:30 a.m  was the time I awoke the morning Dad died. I thanked the Lord for waking me up then, as if to say "Time to remember Andrea. It's here."  

All throughout the night before, I remembered his last evening. I so very much cherish that time I had with Dad. I had the privilege of being with him for his last evening here on Earth. Just the two of us.We talked a lot. Thank you God!! I remember everything he said. He was cracking jokes as usual, and had some sobering words for me as well. He fell asleep after a few hours, and I prayed that the Lord would wake me every ten minutes so I could press the button for his boost of pain medication. God granted me my request. For four hours, He woke me, every ten minutes on the dot. I'm still so grateful to Him for that. At 5:30 Jimmy came in and that's pretty much when the wheels fell off, and those horrific last hours began.

After putting on a pot of coffee Monday morning, I looked outside to see the white snow covering everything. Immediately I thought of how last year Sam told me that God had allowed all of that snow to come, and keep coming, to make me know that Pappy's sins were washed as white as snow.  I struggled then, as I have struggled periodically throughout this past year, with resting in the knowledge that Dad is really in Heaven. When I saw the snow this past Monday, and recalled Sam's words, the Lord spoke to my heart in such a way that it was almost audible, "I've told you a hundred different ways that he's with Me. He's with Me." It was a soft word, not one of rebuke. I began sobbing and He kept repeating it, "He's with Me. He's with Me." Until a peace came upon me. Now this peace has come upon me throughout this past year, and I've even blogged about a few of those times, yet, I end up in doubt when fear grips me. The thought of any other ending is literally unbearable. I doubt because I begin thinking just that: "You're seeing things so that you can comfort yourself."

This time, however, God also showed me that short of appearing before me, in the flesh, and speaking it to my face, with Dad standing next to Him, He could not assure me any more than He already has. In fact, I had to laugh because I think it was God who also gave me the thought that if the afore mentioned scene actually did happen, I would most likely come to the conclusion that I had lost my ever lovin' mind!

Doubt: Satan causes doubt. It's interesting because I Googled a Bible passage on doubt, and a Satanic website came up.. praising Satan because he's a doubter. Doubt, in the Satanist's mind is good, because it keeps you questioning and thinking. "Thinking People" doubt. Hmmm. This is what Jesus says about it: "For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord." I refuse to further let Satan toss me about, particularly when it comes to the knowledge of my Father's eternal salvation.

Fear: Again, from Satan. God, however, says, "Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.We love because he first loved us... God is Love."

I will continue to ache for the presence of my father, but I will remember, without out doubt and fear...

 "He's with Me. He's with Me. He's with Me..."

Happy Birthday Mom

Girl Fishing, John Singer Sargent
One of Mom's favorite artists

Mom is going to kill me for doing this, but I have to remember her birthday via my blog. I am forever at a loss when it comes to honoring, gifting... showing my gratitude toward my mother. There's no possible way I can do it, as this earthy body and brain are just not capable of it. I bought her a Christian music CD... another "fail". Even if it was a great one, would it have really shown her how I feel about her life? Not even close. At any rate, it's Mom's birthday today. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of Dad's death. I don't believe she'll be able to enjoy today at all... or even a bit, but I'm going to try.

I wrote a poem for her several years back, for Mother's Day. I won't publish that poem, as it was written for her, and she may not want me to do that (writing this post is going to be pushing it). I have to say that this poem truly happened, not physically, but very much spiritually. Basically I was in prayer, asking the Lord what I should do with my life. I had, and continue to have, a heart for foreign missions... but I wanted to know what "career" I should choose. Now. I guess the poem really does say it better, but the Lord began to show me my mother. He showed me how she had impacted so many lives... quietly, humbly. He showed me that, becoming a doctor, a lawyer... a famous artist, would not hold a candle to becoming a Godly woman like my Mom, the stay-at-home, wife and mother.

I thought of Proverbs 31 (and not the portion that talks about giving strong drink to the sick of heart =)) and how my Mom fit that mold so beautifully. At any rate, I have not become this woman, at least not as of now. My children will not rise up and call me blessed. Rather, given the chance, they most likely would rise up and call me nuts. Yes, I do get up while it's still night, but usually because of a hot flash, not to prepare food for my family. I do not consider a field for purchasing and planting crops. I do, however, consider a dress from Etsy.com, and purchase it for Christmas... for me. In short, I have not become my Mom yet. I do hope to at least come close before I leave this planet.

Happy birthday Mom.

The Wife of Noble Character (Proverbs 31:10-31)

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Excuses, Birthdays and a Bird.

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.

Nicolas de Chamfort

Well, I'm in a pickle Francis. I have tried to keep the blog positive... I believe I can still do that, however, I'm just not what one would call "chipper"... even after my "hernia surgery." I want to blog, but I've had a rough month and I want to compla... err, talk about it. What to do?

Did I ever tell you how, when trying to think of names for the twins, Adam piped in with "What about Morbid and Morose?" Everyone laughed hard and long... too hard, and too long. At any rate, I have to keep it real, right? So my excuse for not blogging is, in short, I've been miserable, and haven't.  How's that?

In the mean time, I will continue to count my blessings. I will try and pry my eyes off of my navel to get me out of my funk. While I'm doing that, here are some of my blessings. Our amazing Sam has turned 10 yrs old. Double digits. Today, our sweet niece Reagan turned 11. Celebrated both birthdays here on Saturday (Sam's actual b-day).


Yes I made the cake, but it tasted like it looks like it would taste... yucky.

Finally, I love my bird. Some people (eh hem) may not feel as I do, but she makes me very, very, very... not miserable. She has taken to Santino and here are some adorable pics of Stella hanging out with Santino.

*I seem to have misplaced the video camera. When I find it, I'll share some new stuff.

Typical Tuesdays

I'm cutting it down to the wire here with getting this done on time. None-the-less, I'm getting it done.

I do not have video or pictures from today, however, I do have some of both to share. The photos, my sister Mary, took when we had our Tribute to the Revolution. Love the fall pics!

The quotes are from today.

Today, in our human body study, we learned (among other really gross things) about the sebaceous glands... so many places this could have gone with 3 boys who are able to talk. To top it off, we had an illustration of  a blackhead (eww!). The boys do NOT want blackheads! I explained that they would not be in "danger" of getting a blackhead yet, as their pores are still very small. I then went on to tell them that their pores would get bigger as they got older. Paolo exclaims "But Mom!! By the time you're an old man, you'll be nothing but a hole!!"

I will not tell you the entire story, as the whole thing is embarrassing enough, but today my Johnny was extremely passionate when talking to someone. His tone was not nice at all, and (I still can't believe this) he used air quotations!! He's 8 (EIGHT!). I corrected him, and thank goodness, he apologized immediately to the person, but I about died! Later, Adam (who was quite baffled as to where Johnny had seen air quotations) went into the other room where Johnny was and asked him where he had learned the nasty gesture. "Johnny, who did you see using air quotes?"  "Mom."... oooooops.

I asked Samuel to clean the tables and chairs for me today. Bless his heart, he works so hard, and does a fantastic job, but he distracts himself by talking (and he does not clean and talk at the same time), so it takes him forever. This is how part of the hour went:

"Mom, look how clean I'm getting this chair."
"Wow Sam! That looks great!"
"Yeah, 'cause you know how much I like kickin' cleanings' butt. Right Mom?"
"Yes, I know, and you're really kickin' butt Sam."
"Yeah, like I'm kickin' it all the way to the sky! Like so high I could send a rocket to get it. You know Mom, when I grow up, I'm gonna build a rocket and I'm gonna..."
"Sam."
"Okay, Mom. Sorry, you know how much I like rockets though. I like them like I like robots. You know how much I like rob..."
"Sam."
And so it goes. =) He did kick that cleanings' butt though!!

Teodata has taken to asking "Why?" when we tell her "No!"... she's 18 months old. I am so in trouble. Today she (again) took the outlet protector out of the outlet, and took off with it. I ran after her, scolding her as I was coming toward her. When I got to her, she quickly and dramatically turned her head away from me while simultaneously thrusting her hand toward me... handing the cover back. When I took it out of her hand, she (just a dramatically) placed both hands over her face and "fell" face first onto the couch. Again, she's 18 months old...

Sanitno and Stella get along really well. I would have to think that it's because every time I turn around, Santino is feeding her. He grunts and screams most of the day, but with Stella, he talks. "Cheese, Wellwa" "Cacker Wellwa". Very cute.

 This video was actually taken a day before Stella arrived.

What happened to Tuesday? Wednesday

" And you're really clumsy. That's why you fell over..."

Well, I broke my Typical Tuesday posting streak... but at least I didn't break my sternum. Huh? I (Andrea, A.K.A. "Agile Andrea") tripped over the baby gate yesterday, then proceeded to land on it, chest first. I spent a couple of hours at Med Express to find out that my sternum, and my ribs are only bruised... as Mom kept telling me was the case... hate it when that happens. I then came home and watched the election returns. Election night is a prefect Date Night for Adam and I. We could have been offered a free evening at the finest restaurant in the city, and if they didn't have a T.V. there, we would've declined...  boring geeks, yes indeed, but obviously made for one another... And so, I broke my streak.

Here are a couple of scenes from this week.  I shall call them Ode to Noise:

 Thank you Lord for giving me this every day, all day... even when I'm ready to stick a fork in my eye from the noise... I thank You.

 

I will enter His gates with

thanksgiving in my heart

I will enter His courts with praise

I will say this is the day that the

Lord has made

I will rejoice for He has made me glad